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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23932171">Do I Wanna Know?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartEyesTurner/pseuds/HeartEyesTurner'>HeartEyesTurner</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Arctic Monkeys</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2016-11-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2016-11-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 22:13:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,325</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23932171</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartEyesTurner/pseuds/HeartEyesTurner</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex finds himself wondering what went wrong with his ex Sadie</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex Turner (Musician)/Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p><em>There</em> she was. </p><p>It didn’t take too many drinks before she had the cheek to appear; like a shimmering mirage; an apparition from a past life.</p><p>The party was long over. </p><p>Abandoned bottles and cans, the lingering stench of sweat and really, <em>really</em> dank weed, and the fuzzy hum of early nineties R &amp; B; all evidence of time well spent. But it hadn’t been the same, had it? When she were around, she’d been the life of the party; playing the happy hostess, and always getting intoxicated just enough to still be coherent while carrying herself gracefully. He’d never had that ability. One drink too many and he was mixing up his words, slurring them together, getting touchy feely with everyone he came in contact with. Never offensive, always fun. And when he’d reach his limit for the night she always looked out for him.</p><p>But all that was a lifetime ago.</p><p>Now Alex was left to his own devices.</p><p>He was laid out flat on his settee, floating in a sea of debris amidst the smog of stale cigarette smoke and poor decisions; reminiscing about shit that had no business creeping back into his mind this late at night. </p><p>It always managed to happen this way.</p><p>The idea of a party gave him anxiety without her, but he forced himself to do it, and when it was happening, he was fine. But when the first guest took their leave, and then the rest followed suit; he’d panic and down a few more drinks to ease his nerves. Oftentimes it left him drunk in front of his stereo playing that fucking <em>tune</em> that always made him think of her. He usually fell asleep with his drink in hand, spilling it across the fabric of the settee. After his fifth time on his hands and knees scrubbing it out, he decided to just leave it there; to let the stains be a glaring reminder of what a fucking asshole he was.</p><p>He dug his phone out of his front pocket, searched for <em>the song</em>, and pressed play, cranking the volume so his house nearly shook with the vibrations. He hit repeat, took a giant gulp of whiskey, and let his head rest back; the red wine stain from his last drunken stupor like a fucking battle wound beside his ear. </p><p>Alex let the melody invade his headspace, the first verse delivering a swift blow to his gut and to his ego; and he surrendered willingly. It was bound to happen anyways, so he might as well embrace it. </p><p>When his eyes drifted shut, he watched a highlight reel of their very best moments. Slow-dancing in the kitchen after dinner, when the sky was melting into the famous pinks and purples of a California sunset. Lying in bed all day together when he was home from tour, exchanging lazy kisses and making love; stopping only for sustenance when it was absolutely necessary. There was that one summer he taught her how to play the guitar on the acoustic he bought her, and she let him try his hand at painting; both of them agreeing they should stick to their respective talents. He thought about the stolen kisses and love letters; the Christmas holidays and the post-performance afterparties; riding his motorcycle along the coast with her arms wound around his waist and her body pressed tight to his… the late-night phone calls to say ‘I love you’… and the <em>other</em> late-night phone calls to help satisfy the need while they were apart and lonely; desperate to feel the other beside them.</p><p>This was usually about the time he drifted to sleep in a drunken haze; suffocated by the idea that she was no longer his. But tonight… tonight he wanted to talk to her; wanted to know what she was up to; if she was kissing someone else now…</p><p>Squinting his eyes at the too-bright screen, he searched for her name. It was there… at the very top of his contacts. Her name certainly didn’t start with an A… but he made it so just because he wasn’t emotionally-fucking-ready to sort her name in with everybody else’s. It had been over a year, and he still couldn’t bring himself to do it yet.</p><p>He hit the silly little phone icon with a trembling thumb and held it to his ear. It rang and rang and rang until her voicemail picked up. He didn’t plan on leaving a message, but he listened to the recording just the same. His heart seized when he heard that giggle at the end. He knew it was coming, and yet it still managed to surprise him every time. </p><p>It wasn’t enough. </p><p>Listening to her outdated voice recording wasn’t going to cut it this time. </p><p>He needed more. </p><p>//</p><p>Alex had sent the driver on his way.</p><p>Now he was standing on a darkened street corner, inhaling a cigarette under a solitary lamp light, outside a massive factory building. It was a silly decision, but he’d made it anyway, and now here he was.</p><p>He’d sent three texts on the way over. Each of them without response. This phone call was his last attempt before he found his own way in.</p><p>On the third ring she picked up.</p><p>“You <em>have </em>to stop calling me.”</p><p>“‘ello, love.”</p><p>He could hear her sigh of exasperation and knew he didn’t have much time. </p><p>“Alex, I’m hanging u-”</p><p>“Sadie, wait!” He cried, the words coming out a bit slurred, despite the fact that he’d left his alcohol at home in favor of a bottle of water. If he was going to see her, he needed to be sober… <em>ish.</em></p><p>“I really don’t have time for this.”</p><p>“I wanna… just… please let meh up.”</p><p>“Let you up <em>where</em>?”</p><p>“Yehr studio.”</p><p>There was a brief pause. “I’m not even <em>at</em> my studio. I’m at home.”</p><p>“No yeh’re not. I can see yeh standing right there in the window.”</p><p>Alex was standing on the sidewalk across the street, but the loft windows were huge, and almost all her lights were on, so he could see her plain and clear. He watched her walk to the window, cup her eyes to the glass and peer out. He waved at her with the hand that held his cigarette, smiling like an idiot. When she spotted him, she stood slowly, her shoulders slumping as she sighed heavily into the receiver.</p><p>“What are you doing outside my studio, Alex?”</p><p>“I wanted teh see yeh.” </p><p>“How did you know I’d be here and not at home?”</p><p>He smiled softly. “Because it’s Thursday. You always spend the night here on Thursdays.”</p><p>She didn’t say anything, but Alex watched her cover the receiver with her hand and hold it off to the side as she crouched down letting out a silent scream. </p><p>“Are y’alreyt?” He asked her, amused by her reaction to his arrival.</p><p>“I’m fucking <em>fine</em>.” She snarled, “You’ve got ten minutes. I’ll buzz you in.”</p><p>//</p><p>Alex sauntered off the elevator and down the long hallway to the industrial gunmetal roll-away door at the very end. She was there in the entryway waiting for him when he arrived. </p><p>“Eight minutes.”</p><p>“Wot? I thought I ‘ad ten?”</p><p>“I’m counting the time it took you to get up here.”</p><p>“That’s not realeh fair now, is it? That’s a fuckin’… that’s a long fuckin’ corridor!” He exclaimed, gesturing towards the direction he’d just come from.</p><p>Sadie raised an eyebrow, thoroughly unamused. Of course he was here, and of <em>course</em> he looked better than ever. <em>Fucking stupid beautiful bastard.</em></p><p>“Are yeh gonna let meh in, or…?”</p><p>She sighed, stepping aside to let him through. He smirked and leaned forward to press a kiss to her cheek. His breath reeked of whiskey, but everything else about him smelled exactly the same as she remembered it; like spice and soap. Her stomach fluttered when his lips made contact with her skin, particularly in the way they lingered a little longer than they should’ve, and the way his hand gingerly held her waist; touching her just enough to unnerve her.</p><p>Sadie grunted as she tugged at the door, struggling to slide it back into place behind them. </p><p>Alex sized her up; making a silent bargain with himself to just… keep his cool. She looked beautiful; she always did when she was working. There was something about the way her looks became an afterthought and the way she allowed herself to become fully immersed in her work. Her long dark hair was in that messy french braid she always did, and it was coming undone all over; little pieces across her forehead, flying up around her head like a staticky halo. </p><p>“Yeh need ‘elp?” She heard him ask just over her shoulder.</p><p>“I’ve got it.”</p><p>“Are yeh sure ‘cause I remember ‘ow it used teh-”</p><p>“Alex.” She said firmly. “I’ve been closing this door on my own for the past year without anyone else’s help. I’m not about to start now.”</p><p>“Alreyt, Sadie… I was just… forget it.” He murmured and headed into the main area where her work was set up.</p><p>She couldn’t see, but the minute he was in the middle of her space, his face lit up. He’d always loved being here; being a part of her organized chaos. There were canvases everywhere; most of them half-finished; and paintbrushes strewn about beside paint containers with varying amounts of substance inside. The voice of Alison Mosshart crooning with The Kills, blared through her stereo speakers, and she skipped around him to snatch the control and knock it down a few octaves.</p><p>“Sorry about that.” She apologized… like an <em>idiot</em>. Because she wasn’t <em>really</em> sorry. This was <em>her </em>space after all.</p><p>Alex dragged his fingers across the paint-stained countertop, glancing over at her. “Still listening to yehr music loud enough teh make yehr ears bleed?”</p><p>“Yes, Alex, I am. There’s <em>a lot</em> of things I’m still doing since we broke up. A lot of people, too.”</p><p><em>Whoops… that was… unnecessary. </em>She cringed, embarrassed at her own off-the-cuff vindictiveness. Alex had never been intentionally mean to her, and he didn’t deserve that treatment now; regardless of their history. Besides, where had that even <em>come </em>from? </p><p>Alex felt like he’d just gotten walloped in the gut again. But this time it felt like it was delivered with a motorcycle boot at the end of Sadie’s very long, still very perfect legs. There was no doubt in his mind that she had no trouble moving on; she was everything. Just the idea of her with someone else… </p><p>It hurt. </p><p>A lot. </p><p>Especially because Alex was the exact opposite. He hadn’t been able to move on to anyone else just yet. Lord knows there’d been quite a few attempts, but none of them ever ended with, well… they’d never even gotten to the point where <em>that</em> was even possible. </p><p>He was still hung up on her. </p><p>Which is exactly why he’d crawled his way back to her tonight.</p><p>“Is that so?” He drawled, keeping his voice as steady and as calm as possible.</p><p>Sadie rolled her eyes. “It’s… kind of… it’s none of your fucking business actually.”</p><p>There it was. </p><p>The <em>fire</em>. </p><p>Alex smirked. <em>This </em>was the Sadie he could handle; the one he knew his way around. If he could get her to laugh now, it’d be smooth sailing from here on out. “Yeh’re the one who brought it up, not meh.” He laughed, “But I’m sure it’s true… <em>Sexy Sadie…</em>”</p><p>She’d spotted one of her many abandoned beers on the counter and took a very long swig. It was piss-warm and completely disgusting, but Alex was here and she <em>needed</em> it.</p><p>“Ooh…” She laughed darkly into the mouth of the bottle, her voice on edge. “You don’t get to call me that anymore.” </p><p>Why did he think he had any business calling her that? <em>The fucking </em>nerve<em> of him!</em></p><p>She’d picked up a handful of paintbrushes to carry to the sink, just to do… something, <em>anything</em> to distract herself; throwing them now into the metal basin to emphasize her point.</p><p>“Yeh’ll always beh Sexy Sadie to meh.” He replied, trying his best to remain unfazed by her reaction.</p><p>“Alex.” She gripped the counter top trying to control herself before swiveling around to face him. “You can’t be doing this.”</p><p>“Doing <em>what</em>?” He cried, all open-mouthed and doe-eyed; feigning innocence.</p><p>He looked <em>good</em>. Like… really, really good. Which was <em>ridiculous</em> considering he probably wasn’t taking very good care of himself since they’d split. She’s heard bits and pieces from their friends throughout the year… checking in on him indirectly when he happened to be on her mind.</p><p>Which was often.</p><p>She couldn’t help but chuckle at his expression. It was the dreamy idiot face he used nearly <em>all the time</em> for <em>everything, </em>especially when he was really desperate to get what he wanted. With her mostly.</p><p>They just stared each other down; trying to figure out what happened next. It was Sadie who broke the silence. </p><p>“So… you took a cab all the way here in the hopes that I was just gonna… what? Invite you up? That was your big plan? What if I wasn’t here?”</p><p>“First of all, I didn’t take a taxi, I took an Uber. Huge difference. The one that got meh even ‘ad a disco ball ‘anging from the ceiling. Thought it were pretty festive despite me mood.”</p><p>She rolled her eyes, mostly to stop herself from giggling at the way he said Uber.</p><p>“Secondly… it’s Thursday.”</p><p>Yes, Thursdays. </p><p>He’d brought it up two times now, and it made her heart pound at both mentions. Thursday nights were the nights there was no security to watch the building. Sadie loved to come and work then because they were usually the quietest evenings, but it scared her to be alone; so when Alex was in town, he’d join her. They’d fall asleep on the couch together, all curled up after he watched her work, preoccupying her with questions about life, or if he was feeling silly, he’d fool around and make her laugh until she was too distracted to continue and they’d likely end up naked somewhere. Oftentimes covered in some kind of paint. Alex was exceptionally good at making a mess of things. </p><p>Physically <em>and </em>emotionally.</p><p>He was glancing at the couch out of the corner of his eye, and she couldn’t bring herself to lift her head to look, too. She didn’t need to see it to be reminded of what went on in this place. In fact, it was so hard to be in its presence sometimes, she’d contemplated getting rid of it once and for all. </p><p>But she couldn’t bring herself to do it, as much as she wanted to.</p><p>“Alright… so you had some sort of a plan.” She teased him, the tension in the air making it harder to breath now that they were both thinking about the way they used to fuck like rabbits. She tried not to think of the way he’d felt when they were together, the way he fit so perfectly inside her, between her thighs… the way he kissed and licked and…</p><p>She dug her fingernails into her palms, taking a deep breath and composing herself enough to walk back to the piece she’d been working on before she’d gotten so… distracted. </p><p>“Y’always underestimate meh, Sadie.” He tsked, walking from piece to piece, admiring her paintings. Her focus now had shifted; it was darker, heavier, more emotional. She’d always been extremely talented, especially to him, but this was some of the best she’d ever done. He didn’t have to think very hard at what the inspiration was; he himself wrote some of his best songs when he was lonely and broken-hearted. </p><p>“That is… absolutely <em>not </em>true. And you know it.” She shook her head, dabbing a bit more indigo onto a spot that didn’t really need it, but she didn’t know what else to do. She couldn’t look at him.</p><p>It hurt too much.</p><p>“Well, yeh gave up on meh!” Alex cried suddenly, and Sadie jumped, but still refused to look at him. “I love yeh so much, and yeh stopped caring.”</p><p>She wasn’t an idiot, she’d heard what tense he’d used.</p><p>“I didn’t give up on you, Alex. You pushed me away.” She said softly, focusing so hard on the swirl of blue paint her eyes were crossing.</p><p>“That’s <em>not</em> true. I’ve always loved yeh. I still do.”</p><p>Sadie swallowed at the lump in her throat, willing it to go the <em>fuck</em> away. He was killing her, and so she did the one thing she was really fucking good at; deflection; sleight of hand and all that nonsense. “Well that’s stupid. To love someone who doesn’t want you.”</p><p>Alex nearly vomited.</p><p>“That’s a fucked up thing teh say.”</p><p>“Why? Because it’s true?”</p><p>“No… because it <em>isn’t </em>true. Don’t fuckin’ lie to meh, Sadie… yeh’re still in love with meh, too!”</p><p>“Oh… and how do you know that?” She tried to keep her voice even, to will it not to break… but she could feel the tears prickling at the back of her eyes and that fucking lump just… Wouldn’t. Go. Away.</p><p>“Because I can see it. I can see it in the way yeh look at meh, the way your body still responds to me, to my voice, to everything I do.” Alex moved closer to her now, his body super-charged, practically vibrating with sexual energy. “I can see it in the colour of yehr cheeks; they don’t turn that colour for anyone but meh.”</p><p>Sadie snorted. </p><p>Alex Turner, the fucking romantic poet. </p><p>She could see his hand beside her now, his fingertips pressed against the wood workspace. His hand looked flawless against all the mess surrounding it. She could see the callouses on his fingers from playing and she shivered slightly, thinking about how they used to feel on her skin. </p><p>“I fuckin’… drink <em>all the time</em> to think of yeh. It sounds ridiculous but… there’s a point around the fourth or fifth one where yeh show up, and for awhile I get to pretend that weh’re still together… still slow dancin’ in me kitchen at dusk… fuckin’ against the kitchen counter.”</p><p>Oh <em>fuck</em>.</p><p>If her cheeks weren’t pink before, they definitely were now.</p><p>“I think about yeh all the time… and I came here tonight because I couldn’t… I couldn’t bear to listen to yehr voicemail anymore. The fuckin’… stupid giggle yeh do at the end. Rips me fuckin’ ‘eart out every fuckin’ time.”</p><p>Sadie giggled at that admission, out of nervous habit and she heard Alex groan. </p><p>“See?” He laughed a little at his own reaction. </p><p>Alex couldn’t stop staring at her, trying to soak in the fact that she was standing right in front of him for the first time in fourteen months. He could see a bit of blue paint behind her ear where she must’ve scratched it and he smiled, his stomach flipping at the thought of kissing her there like he used to. She had her back to him still, and he wished she’d just turn around and face him already. He’d spent months obsessing over pictures of the two of them, and now that they were here, she wouldn’t even look at him. </p><p>“I still… I… I came ‘ere tonight because I wanna know if yeh feel the same as I do?” He admitted, raw emotion in his voice.</p><p>He was dying. She was killing him. He loved the way she wore extra baggy dress shirts when she was in the studio, the sleeves rolled up and the front hanging low. It was fairly cool outside and in here, but she was wearing shorts anyways, ones he couldn’t really see… giving the illusion that there was nothing underneath. He wondered if she realized how naked she looked.</p><p>And how it was driving him mad.</p><p>Sadie was silent, absorbing everything he was saying. It <em>was</em> the perfect opportunity now… to try…</p><p>“We should just fuckin’… give it a go… see if weh…” He lowered his voice so it was practically a hum just above a whisper. “Sadie; weh should just do what weh wanna do tonight; say all the things weh can’t say tomorrow mornin’.”</p><p>She groaned. <em>Why</em>? Why did he have to come here tonight, on <em>this</em> night, when she was feeling particularly raw and emotional. </p><p>And horny. </p><p>“Alex, I’m not gonna sleep with you.”</p><p>There was a heavy pause, before he had the audacity to drawl, “I didn’t ask yeh if yeh wanted to sleep.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well, part two came sooner than expected. And I finished something. This is huge. The second half is intense. Be warned.</p><p>Lauren xx</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  
</p><p>
  <em>“Alex, I’m not gonna sleep with you.”<br/></em>
</p><p>
  <em>There was a heavy pause, before he had the audacity to drawl, “I didn’t ask yeh if yeh wanted to sleep.”  </em>
</p><p>His voice was gravelly and rough, and Sadie’s hand shook, pressing into the canvas; a giant drip of indigo paint sliding right through the rest of her work. There he went screwing shit up <em>again</em>; turning her into a big messy bundle of nerves <em>again</em>.</p><p>“But Alex… you’re drunk.” She mumbled out an accusation which wasn’t entirely true. She was grasping for straws. </p><p>“Not drunk.” He murmured, closing in on her, and she could smell the richness of his leather jacket; the spiciness of his cologne stinging her nostrils. It made her ache and her stomach burned, the wetness suddenly at the apex of her thighs surprising her. He still had the same effect on her as he always did. </p><p>Alex was close enough now to breathe in the scent of her hair, his nose brushing against the thick braid that hung down her back. He had the most incredible urge to wrap it around his fist, tug at it…</p><p>“Last drink I ‘ad was nearly two hours ago now. If yeh don’t count the beer I ‘ad to sober meh up some.”</p><p>“That makes no fucking sense.” She snarled, trying desperately not to give in.</p><p>“‘Course it does. Couldn’t come to see yeh like that… wouldn’t beh able teh-”</p><p>“Perform?” She snickered, muttering. “Whiskey dick.”</p><p>It was another low blow; her tongue razor sharp tonight.</p><p>But the comment didn’t faze Alex, it was so long ago it didn’t matter anymore. “That happened <em>once.</em>” He growled, closing the smallest bit of space between them now. </p><p>Sadie held her breath, her hands dropping to the counter to hold herself steady. </p><p>“Besides… does <em>this,</em>” he pressed his denim-clad pelvis against her ass, “feel like I’m too drunk to fuck yeh?” </p><p>His lips were at her ear, and the hard length of his erection was settling comfortably right between the cheeks of her ass, pushing against her to emphasize his words. </p><p>Sadie’s mouth fell open, a long, drawn-out moan escaping her lips. “No…” She whispered, gripping the edges of the counter now. She didn’t mean to, but… before she knew what was happening, she was grinding her ass back against him, feeling his hard cock shift upwards in his jeans with the movement.</p><p>Alex groaned, his hands reaching for the edge of the counter now, too. His chest was sealed tight against her back now, and he moved the thick rope of hair off her neck so he could press his lips against the nape of it. She was sweating, he could taste it, and the way she shivered gave him so much pleasure. Whether she was willing to admit it or not, he was still able to fuck her up.</p><p>Sadie’s head was a mess. Her heart fluttered against her ribs, her body practically singing as they fell into this weird rhythm once more. He was rubbing up against her, practically humping her as he built a torturous kind of friction between them. His hand wound around her waist, holding her tight as he worked himself against her, his belt buckle cool on her skin through the lightweight shirt. Dropping her head forward between her shoulders, she hummed, her arms locking tight as she pushed back against him.</p><p>“Fuck Sadie,” Alex breathed, “Fuckin’… I need yeh so bad…” </p><p>Sadie let a low whine through her lips. This is what she’d been thinking about, dreaming about nonstop for <em>months</em>. Wondering if he felt the same way; if he thought about her like he used to.</p><p>He leaned his forehead on her shoulder, his hand sliding up to close around her breast. He marveled at the way it still fit so perfectly in his hand, and he squeezed her roughly, to make sure she knew how serious he was.</p><p>“Do yeh need meh, too?” He asked her, his eyes shut tight, focusing on her and only her. He thrusted against her again, slowly rocking his hips. He was so hard for her, so desperate to be inside her again. He’d missed it so much. Too much.</p><p>He’d always worn his jeans so fucking tight, and now she could feel the head of his cock right through them. Sadie whimpered, getting wetter with each thrust; the thought of him burying himself between her legs overwhelming her. </p><p>This wasn’t fair. </p><p>It wasn’t fair that her heart and her mind and her body were all so disconnected.</p><p>She was betraying everything she ever stood for. She was <em>that </em>girl right now. The thought alone brought tears to her eyes. Hot, wet tears that stung her soft pink cheeks. </p><p>It was all so much right now… </p><p>But then Alex hugged her tight, his cheek against her shoulder. “I miss yeh so much, Sadie.”</p><p>“I miss you, too.” She whispered, and even though it was true, she instantly regretted it the moment it tumbled from her lips. </p><p>Alex squeezed his eyes shut tighter, a silly little tear slipping down his cheek. </p><p>
  <em>She missed him, too.</em>
</p><p>He held her so close against him, he was afraid he might suffocate her. And then she breathed his name, and it sounded like she was begging for him, and Alex snapped out of the dark place he was in very grave danger of slipping into.</p><p>“Fuck me.” </p><p>Alex’s hands were at his belt in a matter of seconds, the metal clanging as it swung back and forth when he struggled with his fly. Sadie was whimpering, pleading for him to just <em>do it</em> already, and while he pulled his cock out, stroking himself, he reached up underneath her shirt, fumbled with the waistband of her shorts. She helped him yank them down, only making it to her knees before Alex had bent her forward on the table, bunching up her shirt at her back. </p><p>His fingers slipped between her legs, the slick wetness of her juices running down the inside of her thighs already. The pair of them moaning when his fingers pushed their way inside her, the feeling familiar, yet completely foreign. </p><p>She was ready… <em>more </em>than ready, and without any further warning, Alex thrust inside her. His hips crashed into her so hard, the table shifted forward a few inches. The sound was deafening and several things collapsed, but it wasn’t enough to deter them, or break their focus. When Alex felt the way her warmth enveloped him exactly the way he remembered, he nearly lost it. He assumed it wouldn’t take very long for him to get there, but he needed it to be longer than the first fucking thrust.</p><p>For a minute, he held himself there, stilling, taking a deep breath and forcing himself <em>not</em> to look down between them; because if he did, that would’ve made him cum straight away. It was just that he’d been dreaming about this for so long, and there <em>hadn’t </em>been anybody else, and for a year it’d just been him and his fucking hand. And his hand, no matter what technique he tried, could <em>never </em>compare to her.</p><p>“What are you waiting for?” She hissed, her cheek pressed against the table now, most likely in a puddle of paint. Wasn’t that always the way? She tried to move her ass back against him, but he grabbed her hips, stopping her roughly.</p><p>“<em>Just</em>… give meh… a fuckin’ second.” He growled thickly through gritted teeth. </p><p>And suddenly, Sadie understood. It <em>had </em>been a long time for him, hadn’t it? She let her eyes flutter closed, suddenly, profoundly aware that she really <em>was </em>in a better place than him, and that realization made her sad.</p><p>“Alreyt…” Alex exhaled, releasing his grip on her shirt, his hands smoothing their way down her spine, and over the small of her back. “I’m sorreh… I just…”</p><p>“It’s okay…” She whispered, opening her eyes to glance over her shoulder at him. “I’m here.”</p><p>Now it was Alex’s turn to whimper; she had no idea she was tearing him apart. Maybe she did… either way he couldn’t get lost there now, because he was here, <em>with</em> her, <em>inside</em> her… and he didn’t want to screw this up. If this was his second chance… he wanted to make sure he did it right.</p><p>“Are yeh readeh?” He murmured, positive that he was able to control himself now.</p><p>“Are <em>you</em> ready?” She teased him, and he chose <em>that</em> moment to push himself a bit deeper inside her.</p><p>“Mmm…” He moaned, sliding in that extra inch. “Ah fuck… I’ve forgotten how fuckin’ good yehr fuckin’ cunt feels.”</p><p>Sadie whined, both at his choice of words, and the quick, rough thrusts that knocked her hips into the wood. They’d be bruised tomorrow. She remembered how that went; because she’d been in this position so many times before, just like this; with Alex saying similar things. </p><p>He stroked her back, caressing her shoulders and reaching for that braid. He was gonna do it, he had to. He wound it around his palm, his other hand on her shoulder, to hold her steady while he fucked her hard and fast. </p><p>“Fuckin’… so tight, babeh… so wet…” He growled, every movement, every action full of lust. A primal instinct to <em>own</em> her surging through his veins. She was already clenching around him, squeezing him, making it tighter, more difficult to hold out. </p><p>Sadie didn’t want him to hold back, she wanted him hard and fast and quick, and she wanted to do it again and again. If they were going to truly fuck everything up between them, they might as well really go for it.</p><p>“Fucking <em>harder</em>!” She nearly screamed at him, her eyes already hazy and glossed over, her orgasm closer and quicker than usual.</p><p>Alex grunted, pulling all the way out and pounding back into her again. She screamed. He did it again. And she screamed. They kept this pattern going until Sadie’s hips were shaking and her knees were trembling; every time Alex pushed his way inside her, the head of his cock hit her deep. She hadn’t been fucked like this in… well, since him, and she didn’t realize how badly she wanted it.</p><p>When she came, she dug her nails into the table, clawing at everything she could get her hands on, and seeing her lose control pushed Alex over the edge. He squeezed her hips, crying out as he came harder than he’d been able to cum in <em>so long</em>. Sadie moaned low, her pussy trembling when she felt him explode inside her. It took him awhile to stop, his hips still rocking into her gently as the last of his cum filled her up. He stayed there inside her a little longer, laying his body on top of hers, her back sticky with sweat. His cum was running down her legs mixed with hers; they could both feel it. Alex pressed his lips down her spine, worshipping her with wet kisses. </p><p>“Jesus christ…” Sadie breathed when he finally pulled out of her, the loss of him between her legs an actual disappointment. She was a mess, and there was nothing in the vicinity to clean them up. Bathroom was too far… and she really just wanted to go again.</p><p>“I’m sorry…” Alex told her sincerely, looking everywhere for something to use. His jeans were destroyed, and he wondered how he was going to cover that up when he finally made his way home.</p><p>Sadie pushed herself off the counter, the right side of her body completely wet. “Oh my God…” She hissed, touching her hand to her face and her shirt. There was indigo paint streaked all down the side of her, the expensive tube smashed into the counter.</p><p>She glanced at Alex over her shoulder, and his eyes widened. One look at the blue paint down her face and he lost it. He burst into laughter, clutching his side at the stitches already forming there. </p><p>“Oh… shut up…” She rolled her eyes. “You <em>never</em> managed to get anything on you, <em>ever. </em>No, it was always me, wasn’t it?” She undid the three buttons that held her shirt closed, and wrenched it off aggressively. “Well, I guess we’ll use <em>my</em> shirt since it’s already fucking wrecked.” </p><p>“I’m sorreh, I’m sorreh,” He breathed, his laughter dying down once he took in the image of her completely naked in front him. She was wiping down the inside of her thighs and Alex had to admit that he was sort of proud of that. </p><p>He smirked and Sadie caught the look.</p><p>“What are you laughing at?” She squinted her eyes at him, still fully dressed, just perfectly disheveled. “Fucking bastard. You always look good. I fucking hate it.” She shoved his chest pretty hard, growling at him as she closed the space between them. When she was close enough, she wrapped her shirt and her hand around his cock. </p><p>“Ah…mmm…” He groaned when he felt her hands on him. Through all this she still hadn’t touched him once; hadn’t even shared a kiss. Just straight to it.</p><p>Sadie chewed her lip, their eyes level as she tugged on him a little. She had started this by innocently cleaning him off, but she wanted him again; wanted to see him this time. He was too beautiful not to look at.</p><p>“Is this ok… that I’m doing this?” She asked him, using the same doe-eyed trick he always used on her. She’d dropped the shirt and now it was just her hand, slowly working him up and down.</p><p>He nodded his head stiffly, trying not to close his eyes with each pass of her hand. </p><p>“You should take your clothing off.” She encouraged him, still unsure what kind of game she was playing at. </p><p>She was too fucking switched on to worry about the repercussions of tonight’s actions. Tomorrow most likely wouldn’t be pleasant; but that was how these sorts of things often went.</p><p>Alex hesitated. He didn’t know if… he wasn’t sure if they should keep going, but… here they were and everything felt like old times. From the paint on her cheek to the teasing and the rough sex… this had been what they were all about. It hadn’t <em>always</em> been good between them, but most of the time it was. That broken part of him wanted to pretend it was the same again; and this time, the shimmering mirage was real. She was a tangible person that he could reach out and touch; and he hadn’t even needed alcohol to make it happen. </p><p>She slid her thumb over the slit at the tip of his cock, spreading the slickness over the head and down the shaft. He was nearly ready to go again. </p><p>It really <em>had </em>been a long time.</p><p>He took a deep breath, and grabbed at his shirt from between his shoulder blades, pulling it over his head. She giggled when his hair remained exactly the way it was, her hand slowing as she jerked him off.</p><p>“Still putting too much shit in your hair, I see.” She bit her lip at the face he made. “If I try to ruffle it, will my hand get stuck? Will it hurt if I push it in the other direction?”</p><p>Alex chuckled, “Yes… definitely.” </p><p>She laughed, her heart swelling, thunderous in her chest. It was jarring, how easy their banter flowed, as if no time had passed at all. He smiled softly, almost shy, and Sadie reached up to his neck, curling her fingers into his necklace, pulling his face towards hers. Once he was close enough, she could really see how worn he was, like he hadn’t slept in forever. </p><p>
  <em>No one was taking care of him. </em>
</p><p>The silly thought kept running through her brain, crushing her, and she forced it out. This wasn’t what they were doing tonight. She ignored the bluish-purple rings under his eyes and his slightly hollowed cheeks, and focused on his lips, and what those lips were capable of.</p><p>“I can’t believe you haven’t kissed me yet…” She murmured softly, watching him watch her.</p><p>“I know.” He breathed, wondering if he actually had the guts to do it.</p><p>“It used to be your favorite thing.” She whispered, her lips nearly touching his now.</p><p>“I <em>know</em>.” </p><p>“So do it.”</p><p>They crashed together, feverish and open-mouthed, and she giggled when his nose got in their way. “Control that thing.” She murmured, sighing happily when his arms wound around her, hugging her close.</p><p>He rubbed his nose against her slightly upturned one, teasing her mouth with his tongue and his lips, playing like he was going to kiss her, but pulling away when he got close enough. “Stop it.” She moaned, tugging at his cock again unexpectedly and he laughed, lurching forward. </p><p>“<em>You </em>stop.” He warned her, covering her hand with his own. </p><p>“Or what?”</p><p>Alex pulled back and gave her a look. She was trying to intimidate him, challenge him, and it made him smile.</p><p>“I’m gonna give it to yeh.” He smirked, realizing that it wasn’t a threat, <em>at all</em>.</p><p>She laughed about to make another smart remark, but Alex covered her mouth with his, kissing her properly this time. Sadie stopped moving, letting him dip her back a bit, kissing her good and hard. She was breathless when he let go, kissing kisses across her soft pink cheeks. “When’s the last time someone’s kissed yeh like that?” He asked her, his voice rough.</p><p>Should she tell him the truth? </p><p>Should she ignore it? </p><p>Pretend like she didn’t hear him?</p><p>“I don’t want to tell you.” She whispered, feeling him pause for just a second, mid-kiss. “But I <em>do</em> want you naked.”</p><p>Alex grunted when she tried pushing at his jeans, and he kissed her once more before taking over. His belt buckle clattered when it hit the floor, but his Chelsea boots were still on, and his jeans were stuck around his ankles. Sadie covered her face, laughing when Alex struggled to get them off. </p><p>“My <em>God</em> this is a struggle…” He chuckled when he stood back up, his eyes crinkling at the corners; his boyish features now more apparent when the leather and rock and roll was all stripped away. </p><p>“You good?” She asked him, with a smile, eyebrows raised expectantly. </p><p>He squinted his eyes at her, “C’mere you…” </p><p>Sadie backed up as Alex advanced on her, stopping when she abruptly smashed into the table she’d been previously bent over. And then he was there, and she was utterly consumed by him and his presence. </p><p>Brushing her hair back from her face, he murmured, “Sexy Sadie.” Before covering her lips in yet another mind-blowing kiss for the books.</p><p>“What’d I tell you?” She huffed as he grabbed at her ass, picking her up and lifting her onto the table. </p><p>“Don’t care.” He mumbled against her lips, on a mission to kiss them until they were red and swollen. He’d always liked that look on her.</p><p>“Wait, wait, wait, wait…” Sadie stopped him, lifting her butt and pushing some of her art supplies out of the way. “Ah… alright… please continue.”</p><p>He grinned and went back to kissing her, his hands groping her roughly all over. This is where they excelled; right here. Sadie reached between them, and grasped him in her fist again, rolling her fingers and tugging at him slowly. </p><p>“Keep doin’ that,” He murmured, biting her bottom lip before spreading his kisses elsewhere.</p><p>She didn’t have to try to remember how to do it the way he liked; her hand just did it automatically… like riding a fucking bike. </p><p>“Thas’ it…” He hissed, sucking at her neck, her breasts cupped in his very capable hands. He played with her nipples, pulling at them before he bent his head to suck them into his mouth one at a time. “Fuck… I’ve missed these, too.” </p><p>Sadie chuckled, doing her best to wank him while he was hell bent on ravaging her chest. When the cool air rushed over the traces of his wet mouth, her nipples perked up and he groaned, pushing them up and together, over and over again, watching them bounce.</p><p>“Are you gonna play with my tits all night or are you gonna fuck me again?”</p><p>“Can’t I do both?” He grinned, covering her lips in another kiss. He grabbed at her, pulling her to the very edge of the table. He took over jerking himself off eyeing her as she spread her legs open for him, playing with herself. “Oh fuck…” He bit his lip, shaking his head, her fingers slipping in and out of her wetness. </p><p>Sadie’s fingers moved in tandem with the pace he’d set for himself, teasing him because she could. “You’re not gonna lick this?”</p><p>Alex groaned, his tongue sliding across his bottom lip, salivating at the thought. He knew he really shouldn't… but he wanted to. <em>So bad.</em> He glanced up at her before pressing his mouth against her in a wet, hot kiss. She tasted so good, so sweet, and he only allowed himself to stay buried there for a minute or two. He could spend the next hour making her cum on his tongue, but that kind of intimacy wasn’t what they were here for.</p><p>When he stood back up and took a deep breath, Sadie whimpered. “Fuck, I missed that. You were always so good to me.”</p><p>It was true. He would spend forever with his tongue between her thighs some days; always going for extra credit like the overachiever that he was. </p><p>He smirked, sinking his fingers into her hip while he tapped the head of his cock against her clit. Sadie’s head fell back at the feeling, her fingers curling over the edge of the wood. Alex took advantage of her exposed neck, and pressed his lips to her before he buried himself deep inside her.</p><p>She cried out, legs were wrapped tight around his waist, her heels digging into his backside, urging him to push harder, get deeper. She wanted the bruises and the splinters and the paint splatters; she welcomed it.</p><p>For Sadie, the familiarity was hard to get around. He knew all the things she liked and did them well. And for Alex, he wanted the second time to last a little longer, to show her just how much he <em>did </em>love her; in whatever form that love had manifested itself into now. In his gut he knew, knew that this was the last time they’d be together like this.</p><p>With every thrust of his hips, the table creaked, rocking beneath them, and Alex remembered the sound well. He’d fixed the loose screws more than once. He couldn’t have her creating masterpieces on a wobbly, uneven table, could he? </p><p>“Stupid table.” Sadie murmured, eyes closed as she focused on the way Alex felt inside her. </p><p>Alex smiled, leaning his forehead against hers and biting his bottom lip as pushed deeper and deeper inside her. “Sadie…” He whispered, willing her to open her eyes and look at him.</p><p>When she did she was startled by the intensity she saw there, the intensity and the longing. His eyes had always been so expressive; she often knew what he was feeling before he could even vocalize it.</p><p>“You feel…” She moaned when his hips thrust against her in a particularly satisfying way. She changed course, deciding to tell him what she was feeling like they’d promised. “I’d be lying if… I’ve wanted you like this for a long time.”</p><p>Alex swallowed hard, his throat feeling tight. “Yeah, babeh? Yeh realeh ‘ave?”</p><p>She nodded furiously and threw her arms around his neck. Maybe it was something they both needed to hear. She kissed his cheek, his ear, his neck… “Keep doing that. It feels so good.”</p><p>It wasn’t what he’d expected her to say, whether she truly meant it or not… but he’d hold onto it for now. </p><p>He gripped her thighs tight, nearly lifting her off the table. She rolled her hips into him dying at the feeling of his thick cock inside her. He filled her up so tight, pulsing inside her. </p><p>“Fuck… keep fuckin’ meh like that…” He groaned, letting her grind against him, every thrust meeting her hips until the room was filled with wet sounds. Their bodies slapped against one another, rough and with abandon; two former lovers surrendering themselves in the moment to fill the void.</p><p>Alex came inside her for the second time that night, after which he assisted in her orgasm that followed not long after. They were sweaty and sticky and… they’d each obtained what they’d wanted from the other; comfort in the form of a familiar, equally as lonely body.</p><p>They stayed together a little longer than either had expected, and Sadie swore she heard him choke back a sob when his face was pressed against her neck. She stroked the back of his head her fingers combing through his hair. </p><p>He’d always been the more sensitive of the two. </p><p>The boots and leather and the tough guy accent were a good act… but she’d seen him at his worst and his most vulnerable. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and she knew he was trying to put on a brave face; like all this wasn’t tearing him apart inside.</p><p>She’d opened her heart up to him before she’d sided against it, even though she knew that tomorrow everything would change, as it often did.</p><p>//</p><p>They stayed up the rest of the night talking… reminiscing… saying all the shit they never got to say to each other. She asked him to hold her on the couch, and he asked if she was sure. </p><p>She was.</p><p>They laughed about the time he fucked her against the window and there’d been a mark from her ass the next morning when they’d woken up. And the time he pulled the emergency on the service elevator at her apartment because they’d had too much to drink and they couldn’t wait to get back to hers to fool around. They talked about the sad things, too. Why it ended and how it happened, and she decided to be honest with him. She owed him that much. If he was suffering then he didn’t deserve to suffer alone.</p><p>“I haven’t slept with anybody since you.”</p><p>“Oh.” Alex said softly, frowning. He was sure that she had. There was no way… “But… why not? I mean… yeh’re you.”</p><p>“And you’re you. You’re a pretty tough act to follow you know.” </p><p>He shook his head, peeling at the label on his water bottle.</p><p>“Seriously. It’s going to be hard to find someone to replace you. And I don’t mean like that… I mean… you just, left your mark on me.”</p><p>Alex nodded his head, taking a deep drag off his cigarette.</p><p>“Same for meh. I think yeh’re… well, yeh <em>were</em>… you <em>are</em> the love of me life, Sadie.” He shook his head, shaking away the tears and the memories. “And I <em>know</em> that’s a crazy thing to say, but… that’s who yeh’ll always beh to meh. The love that got away.”</p><p>“I didn’t get away Alex… we just… we grew apart. But I still love, you. I’ll always love you. You were my first real adult boyfriend.” She chuckled softly. “<em>With </em>a job and everything.”</p><p>Alex laughed with her, “That’s reyt, I was.” </p><p>He took a deep breath, and let the nicotine soothe his system, calm his nerves. When he put it out, Sadie crawled underneath his outstretched arm, resting her head on his chest. </p><p>“We were alreyt for a while, weren’t weh?” Alex murmured softly, rubbing her back.</p><p>“Yes, Alex. We were.” She tried to evaluate his current state; where he was at, what he was feeling. If she could get a good look in his eyes…</p><p>“Hey…” She nudged him and he glanced down at her in his arms, taking that image and storing it away for later. His eyes looked peaceful, not scared or wild like they could be sometimes, and she took that as a good sign. “Tonight was a good idea.”</p><p>Alex scoffed; even he knew this was a mistake, however badly he wanted it.</p><p>“I’m serious. We got to have one more good time together; to really say good bye. The proper way.”</p><p>“Sadie… fuckin’ each other after a year of being broken up is not typical of mending a broken heart.”</p><p>“This wasn’t about mending broken hearts, Alex; it was about soothing them for a little while. You and I both know we can’t be together. We’re too different now. And I love you so much…” She took a deep breath, “… probably more than you know. And you’re gonna be okay. We’re both gonna be okay.”</p><p>She laced her fingers in his, squeezing them tight. </p><p>“I know it.” He whispered, and rubbed her back lazily. After awhile, just before the sun was set to rise on the other side of those massive factory windows; he felt her breathing steady and slow until she was fast asleep against him. </p><p>He settled back into the couch, humming a tune to himself, a different one this time. </p><p>“Sexy Sadie, the greatest of them all.” </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! You can also <a href="https://hearteyesturner.tumblr.com/">find me on Tumblr</a>.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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